Impulsive in kindergarten, prone to gambling later

Carolyn Moynihan

The importance of the early years in shaping a child’s personality is borne out by much research. A Canadian longitudinal study has found that the more impulsive a kindergarten child is, the more likely they are to indulge in games of chance by sixth grade (age 11-12).

http://www.mercatornet.com/family_edge/view/impulsive_in_kindergarten_prone_to_gambling_later/

That’s Rich: an expert explains why parents don’t matter much

Carolyn Moynihan

Many professionals act as though parents were of little importance to the development of their children, but child development theorist Judith Rich Harris has actually written whole books about why that is the case. That would not matter very much except that, as she points out in an interview with Scientific American, “My work is now cited in many psychology textbooks and assigned in college courses.” The fact that most developmental psychologists don’t agree with her does not stop her from being influential.

http://www.mercatornet.com/new_family_edge/view/thats_rich_an_expert_explains_why_parents_dont_matter_much/

Making Room for Miss Manners Is a Parenting Basic

PERRI KLASS, M.D.
For years, I took care of a very rude child. When he was 3, I called him rambunctious — and I talked to his mother about “setting limits.” At 4, I called him “demanding.” At 5, he was still screaming at his mother if she didn’t do what he wanted, he still swatted me whenever I tried to examine him, and his mother asked me worriedly if I thought he was ready for kindergarten.

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/01/13/health/13klas.html?_r=2&em

TWO MOTHERS GOOD, FATHER FIGURE BAD IN NEW UK LAW

Check out this brief article from the London Telegraph.

Following the logic of laws recognising homosexual partnerships (civil unions) and adoption by gay couples, the Labour-led British Parliament has given the status of legal parent to both partners in a lesbian relationship when one of them gives birth by means of in vitro fertilisation. The move was rejected by most Conservative Party MPs, but a bid by one of them -- former leader Iain Duncan Smith -- to retain a rule recognising the need for a father was lost by 292 votes to 217. Mr Smith said the new rule would send the wrong message about fathers to the heterosexual world as well as same sex couples using fertility treatments.

The change comes as part of a Bill updating the UK's rules on fertility treatments, embryo research and abortion. Male gay couples who have children via surrogate mothers are not covered by the law change. Where there is reference to the father of a child, such as on birth certificates, this is to be read as reference to the female partner who did not give birth. The law will now say for the first time that babies born through fertility treatment do not need to have a father figure.
To objections that the change went against common sense, Labour MP Emily Thornberry said the term "common sense" worried her because it was often "a cover for discrimination, narrowness and an inability to face the 21st century".

The "important thing" was to give legal rights to lesbian couples and single women. Dawn Primarolo, the Health Minister (pictured), said reinstating the need for a father would be discriminatory as it would "create an additional hurdle" for such women. This would be "wholly inappropriate" following the decisions to allow civil partnerships and adoption by gay couples. ~ London Telegraph, May 20

Everybody Pays for Single Parenthood - In More Ways Than One

My friend Dutch Martin’s recent article entitled "Everybody Pays for Single Parenthood - In More Ways Than One," has been reprinted by both The Washington Times and The Philadelphia Sunday Sun. Check it out, and see what you think.

Ask Dr J

Dear Dr J

I’m looking for information on dating women with children from a previous marriage or who are widowed. I’m a single, never-married 46 year old and not sure it would be smart to have children of my own at this point. I want to educate myself on the issues when children have step-fathers. I think Dr. Laura advises women not to marry again until their children are grown. Are you of this opinion? Any info you could point me to would be appreciated.
V from Boston

Dear V,

The best I can tell you is this: there are a distinct set of problems that children face in step-father families. Most of those problems can be overcome if the husband and wife collaborate well, and if the stepfather spends sufficient time and energy on the kids. The main source of problems in my opinion: the mother doesn’t allow her new husband to be involved appropriately. The mother tries to shield the children from discipline, on the theory that “they aren’t your kids; you don’t know them.” She fails to realize that biological mothers and fathers often have conflict over discipline on exactly this issue. The mother wants to children to feel good. The father wants them to behave. Hence, moms often have the impulse to shield children from fathers, even non-abusive fathers.

This is an area where our feminist theory that men and women are identical and interchangeable has caused enormous mischief. Mothers and fathers should not be freaked out over the perfectly normal fact that they tend to parent differently. The conflict may have nothing to do with the fact that the father is a stepfather instead of a bio-dad.

So, my advice is this: if you have a particular woman in mind, and you trust each other, you have a good shot at being successful. But if she will not allow you to parent, for whatever reason, the blended family will be headed for trouble.
All the best!
Dr J

Parenting Question

A reader asks me this:

Dear Dr. J,
I have a 14 year old neice and her mother, my sister in law, allows boys to spend the night with her, in the same room! She gets vvery offended if you object and her rationale is that "I trust my daughter." I know this is insane but what can I say to counter that? What do you tell someone who is so deluded that they can't see that NO 14 year old can be trustesd with their sexuality. I'm just asking for me but the the sad truth is, there are probably hundreds of thousands of parents out there that are actually that ignorant.
Jimmy

Dear Jimmy
You are of course correct that no 14 year old can be trusted with a temptation of that magnitude. You have probably done all you can do with this mother however. My question is this: where is this child’s father? Is that your brother? He needs to put his foot down, but good.
Can you encourage and support the father? That might be the best strategy.
Good luck.
Dr J