US teen sex statistics show ‘disheartening’ trend

Carolyn Moynihan

Birth rates among teenagers are on the rise again in the United States after large declines between 1991 and 2005, according to a report from the Centres for Disease Control and Prevention. Other sexual health indictors also have flattened or worsened in what the CDC calls a “disheartening” reversal. Predictably, there are calls for “better sex education” -- meaning more stuff about condoms and pills, evidently.

http://www.mercatornet.com/family_edge/view/us_teen_sex_statistics_show_disheartening_trend/

Farah Fawcett cancer likely HPV STD

ABC news finds doctor who says, "So what? Don't stigmatize it..."
http://abcnews.go.com/Health/story?id=7939402&page=1
They don't get it, the reason to make it known and clear is simple. It is easy to prevent.
And meanwhile we have a number of sex ed groups who teach that if it isn't vaginal, it isn't sex. A lot of kids believe it, and so the anal cancers and oral and throat cancers caused by HPV continue to rise. They are out there teaching that there's no stigma involved too.
Less stigma, more death. There's an advertising jingle.
Eric Richardson, M.D.

Ask Dr. J!

Do have a marriage or relationship question you'd like to ask Dr. Jennifer Roback Morse, author of "101 Tips for a Happier Marriage" and "Smart Sex"? Email your question to jgruber@ruthinstitute.org. These questions, which remain completely anonymous, are featured every other week in Dr. J's weekly e-newsletter. If you're not already a subscriber, you can sign up here.

Throwing oil on the blaze of teenage sex

Carolyn Moynihan

From the country that brought you the highest teenage pregnancy rate in Europe -- television ads for condoms and abortion. Will the British government never get it? The more “harm reduction” they go in for, the worse the problem gets.
Friday last saw the end of a three-month consultation by the government’s broadcasting standards watchdog, the BCAP, on a proposal to allow abortion clinics to advertise on TV before 9pm. Condom ads, currently confined to one channel, would also be shown in the earlier time slot. Pro-life pregnancy counselling services could also advertise -- if they could afford it -- but would have to make it clear that they do not refer for abortion, “so that delays do not result in medical complications,” as one news report puts it. It would be too bad, wouldn't it, if women had time to think about what they were doing.
http://www.mercatornet.com/family_edge/view/throwing_oil_on_the_blaze_of_teenage_sex/

Sex Without Intimacy: No Dating, No Relationships

by Brenda Wilson
http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=105008712&ft=1&f=1001

Morning Edition, June 8, 2009 ¡P The hookup — that meeting and mating ritual that started among high school and college students — is becoming a trend among young people who have entered the workaday world. For the many who are delaying the responsibilities of marriage and child-rearing, hooking up has virtually replaced dating. It is a major shift in the culture over the past few decades, says Kathleen Bogle, a professor of sociology and criminal justice at La Salle University.Young people during one of the most sexually active periods of their lives aren't necessarily looking for a mate. What used to be a mate-seeking ritual has shifted to hookups: sexual encounters with no strings attached.

The science of sex

Marcia Segelstein - Guest Columnist -

Thanks to medical science, we now know that smoking cigarettes is unhealthy. It can lead to diseases like emphysema and lung cancer, and increase the risks of heart disease and stroke. So we have acted swiftly on that information. In one generation, our attitude about smoking has undergone a remarkable transformation. Where smoking was once commonplace, and homes everywhere had ashtrays, even if only for visiting smokers, today it's almost shocking to see someone light up. Banned from airplanes, offices and many restaurants, smoking – and smokers – are viewed with a kind of disdain at worst, pity at best. TV shows and movies rarely show people smoking, except when they're villains. The dangers of smoking are taught to young people with almost religious zeal. Most modern parents who found evidence that their teenagers were smoking would haul them down to the nearest cancer ward for a close up look at the consequences of smoking, or at least to their doctor, who would undoubtedly back up parental warnings that smoking is dangerous to their health.

Now substitute the words "casual sex" for "smoking." Thanks to medical science, we now know that casual sex is unhealthy. Not just because of the myriad of sexually transmitted diseases it can cause, to say nothing of the unwanted pregnancies it can create, but because of what it does to the human brain. Two doctors, Joe McIlhaney and Freda McKissic Bush, explain what we now know about sex and the human brain in their book, Hooked: New Science on How Casual Sex Is Affecting Our Children.

http://www.onenewsnow.com/Perspectives/Default.aspx?id=567964

WETZSTEIN: U.S. narcissism out of control

http://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2009/may/17/wetzstein-us-narcissism-out-control/

Back in Love and Economics, I made the point that finding a balanced perspective on your own value in relation to other people is one of the hardest things to do.

And in Smart Sex: Finding Life-long Love in a Hook-up World, I connected narcissism to our sex lives. The sexual revolution transformed sex from being the deepest community-building activity into a consumer good. That just has to fundamentally shift the social balance between outward-looking, community-building, other-regarding behavior radically toward inward-looking, self-preoccupied, self-regarding behavior.

Post and comments by Jennifer

Sermons on Sex Cause A Stir in Alabama

Apparently a new series of sermons is getting quite a lot of attention in Good Hope, Alabama.

It's one thing for a church in a big city like Dallas or Atlanta to tackle the ticklish topic of sex. It blends in with the urban scene.

It's another thing when a small-town congregation puts up billboards with the phrase "Great sex: God's way" on rural highways to promote a sermon series. You can't even legally buy beer in Cullman County, and a preacher is talking about S-E-X on Sunday morning?

http://www.onenewsnow.com/Blog/Default.aspx?id=450694

Sexual insanity

Bill Muehlenberg

Week by week the stories become more sensational. Blogs were still buzzing over California’s “octomom”, Nadya Suleman, when the story of Alfie Patten, a baby-faced British 13-year-old and putative father, grabbed the international headlines. In Australia, where I live, an appeal court has awarded a lesbian duo hundreds of thousands of dollars in compensation for getting two babies from IVF treatment rather than one.

Strangely enough, such dramatic consequences of the erosion of marriage and the explosion of out-of-control sexuality were foreseen -- in some instances long ago. In 1968 Will and Ariel Durant’s important book, The Lessons of History appeared. In it they said, The sex drive in the young is a river of fire that must be banked and cooled by a hundred restraints if it is not to consume in chaos both the individual and the group.

http://www.mercatornet.com/articles/view/sexual_insanity/

Mindful Eating and Mindless Sex?

George Will's column today entitled "Prudes at Dinner, Gluttons in Bed" discusses a new Policy Review essay by Mary Eberstadt, who is a fellow at Stanford University's Hoover Institution. Eberstadt's essay is called "Is Food the New Sex?" and asks the question "What happens when, for the first time in history, adult human beings are free to have all the sex and food they want?" notes that:

One might think, she says, either that food and sex would both be pursued with an ardor heedless of consequences, or that both would be subjected to analogous codes constraining consumption. The opposite has happened -- mindful eating and mindless sex.

If food is the new sex, Eberstadt asks, "where does that leave sex?" She says it leaves much of sex dumbed-down -- junk sex akin to junk food.

http://www.onenewsnow.com/Blog/Default.aspx?id=429648

Reinventing campus sexual culture

by Ryan T. Anderson

Living a virtuous life can be a lonely struggle at college, but a new network of students and professors is changing that.

February 2005 saw the launch of a new student group at Princeton, the Elizabeth Anscombe Society, named for the famed Cambridge philosophy professor, star student and successor of Ludwig Wittgenstein, and intellectual defender of traditional sexual ethics. The Anscombe Society set for itself a lofty mission:
We aim to foster an atmosphere where sex is dignified, respectful, and beautiful; where human relationships are affirming and supportive; where motherhood is not put at odds with feminism; and where no one is objectified, instrumentalized, or demeaned. We aim to increase the level of respect among members of the university community who disagree on these issues as we explore our common understandings as well as our differences. Lastly, we hope to provide those students who strive to understand, live, and love their commitment to chastity and ‘traditional’ sexual and familial ethics with the support they need to make their time at Princeton the best it can be.

Read the entire article.

Ask Dr J: Campus Sleepovers

Dear Dr J

You have discussed cohabitation in your writings, but not "sleepovers". In our college culture, it is common for dating couples to routinely spend the night at each other's house. In our campus ministry community, I have several friends that say that while they do share a bed they do not have sex.

I want to believe them, however, even without having sex, I do not think that this makes for a healthy relationship. It is also difficult as I live with several girls from my campus ministry that routinely sleepover with their significant other. I am torn between how I should respond to this; I do not feel like it is right but I realize we all have different moral compasses. I was wondering what your take was on this overlooked issue.
Katie in Kentucky

Dear Katie,
Thanks for your question. I have never heard this particular question. I think your instincts are sound. It is hard to believe that they aren't "having sex" when they are sharing a bed routinely. (In the Catholic tradition, we call this putting oneself in the near occasion of sin. We are responsible to keep ourselves out of occasions of sin!) Also, the evidence about the hormonal bonding suggests that sleeping together, even touching, can trigger some of the hormonal response. That means that your friends are bonding with each other and getting some of the "involuntary chemical commitment" that can cloud a person's judgment about whether the relationship is really right for them.
All in all, I suspect your friends are kidding themselves if they have convinced themselves that this is ok. It would be a better use of their time to spend time "doing stuff" that is not sexual, and that would allow them to get a realistic picture of whether this person is really right for them. If this is the right person for them, then, think about getting married. For most people, getting married right out of college is not too young. If you've really got a good match, you might as well get on with the business of building a life together.
Dr J

Single Mothers by Choice

My latest article was published by the Institute of Marriage and Family Canada, which is a Focus on the Family affiliate. My article is called, "Single Mothers by Choice" and begins on pg 20 of the magazine. The subtitle gives it away: "A valid lifestyle choice, or another example of dumb sex?" Especially noteworthy is the sidebar, which draws on David Blankenhorn's new book, The Future of Marriage. Family scholar Paul Amato of Penn, did a calculation, asking what the world would be like for adolescents today if the rate of married parenthood were the same as it was in 1970. Not the Dreaded Ozzie and Harriett 1950's (que up scary music), but the beginning of the groovy 1970's. Amato calculates there would
643,oo fewer American adolescents failing a grade each year.
over a million fewer adolescents suspended from school,
453,000 fewer involved in violence
62,000 fewer youth would attempt suicide.
Putting the percentage of kids living with their two married parents back to 1970 is not a utopian pipedream: it would require an increase of about 9 percentage points.
Let us not give up.

More on the Parenting Question

I got a few more details in my exchange with "Jimmy." It turns out that his brother does seasonal work that keeps him away from home for weeks at a time. So, while the father disapproves of the 14 year old girl having a sleepover with boys, the mother is allowing this in his absence. Jimmy says,

Its just frustrating to me that I can't even reason with her. Aren't there some sort of studies that I could quote or some authoritative statement about the danger of this practice? I fear my neice will be pregnant before she sees 15. I expressed that to my sister in law and she said, "No she won't. She wouldn't dare have sex because I told her I'd kill her if she does." I can't even imagine how to respond to a statement that stupid....The thing is, the boys' (there were two of them the other night) parents know they are spending the night with a girl. All three of these kids are 14. I'm just sickened by how incredibly bad American parents are becoming.

Dear Jimmy,
You may use me as an authority in your conversations with this family.
Studies now show that teenagers' brains are wired differently than yours and mine. Teens are in fact more impulsive and emotional. This is not just a stereotype. The fact that you or I think something is reasonable doesn't mean that the teens will see the reasoning.
Young people's bodies are transitioning into biological adulthood, which means that their bodies are designed to reproduce. The body of a young healthy adolescent is crying out to reproduce and to connect with a person of the opposite sex. Our society is not set up for young people to take on adult parenting responsibilities, at the time that their bodies are physically ready for parenthood. For teens to sleep in the same room with friends of the opposite sex is a sure-fire way to have them become sexual with each other, and destroy their friendship in the process.
The kids have enough trouble handling their feelings without being placed in a situation of almost overwhelming temptation.
Also, please know that beginning sex at such a young age is correlated with depression, having multiple partners, and getting pregnant and STD's. Most important, early initiation of sex is correlated with a lower probability of being happily married at the age of 30.
In other words, this mom is betting that they won't have sex. But if they do have sex, it sets her daughter up for a lifetime of risks.
Another approach to use with this mother: you are openly defying your husband's clearly expressed position on this topic. By what right do you do that? Do have any idea what harm you may be doing to the trust between the two of you? I always advise couples to "give way on trivial issues," in my "101 Tips for a Happier Marriage." This is not a trivial issue, but a deeply serious one, and your husband is in the right and you are mistaken. Children need, above all, for their parents to be cooperating with each other, and to be "on the same page," with discipline. By allowing your daughter to have these sleepovers, you are damaging your relationship with your husband, with absolutely no gain to yourself or your daughter. What could possibly be the point of that?
Another overall strategy, Jimmy: you might want to talk to the boys involved or their parents. Ask them if they are ready for a lifetime of child support payments. In some states, the parents of underaged fathers are being held accountable for child support. Ask them if they are absolutely sure a) the girl won't get pregnant and b) she and her parents won't come after him for child support.
Good luck and God bless you!
Dr J

Parenting Question

A reader asks me this:

Dear Dr. J,
I have a 14 year old neice and her mother, my sister in law, allows boys to spend the night with her, in the same room! She gets vvery offended if you object and her rationale is that "I trust my daughter." I know this is insane but what can I say to counter that? What do you tell someone who is so deluded that they can't see that NO 14 year old can be trustesd with their sexuality. I'm just asking for me but the the sad truth is, there are probably hundreds of thousands of parents out there that are actually that ignorant.
Jimmy

Dear Jimmy
You are of course correct that no 14 year old can be trusted with a temptation of that magnitude. You have probably done all you can do with this mother however. My question is this: where is this child’s father? Is that your brother? He needs to put his foot down, but good.
Can you encourage and support the father? That might be the best strategy.
Good luck.
Dr J